As we prepare to greet the saddest day of the calendar, the anniversary of the greatest tragedy in Jewish history, we must remember that it is our goal to convert darkness into light, and there is no light greater than that of an insurance fire.
Any flag burned must be burned indoors after being soaked with kerosene, and whoever burns it close to a source of natural gas or heating oil is especially worthy of praise.
Regardless of our intention to burn it, the tzioinishe flag may NOT be purchased from a tzioinish vendor or sewn in the tzioinish entity.
Therefore, we urge all of those who will follow in the great light generated by the burning of the flags purchase same only from Schmoigerman's Fabric in Creedmoor Shopping Plaza, as said flags are sewn by Muslims using fabric from Iranian mills.
This year's prices are:
Small Flag - for burning single family apartments and homes - 100 Food Stamps or 60 Euro.
Medium Flag - for burning multiple family dwellings - 165 Food Stamps or 210 Euro.
Large Flag - for burning full apartment buildings or warehouses - 250 Food Stamps or 315 Euro
Super Size Flag - for burning shopping malls, office complexes - 500 Food Stamps or 623 Euro (we cannot accept a price of 613 as this includes commandments which are considered null and void by our Chassidus, such as loi signoiv and does not include those which the Admou"r commands to his hyliger Chassidim such as "do not leave any abandoned building without burning it").
Kerosene from Iran will be available as in prior years at the price of 8 food stamps or 11 Euro per gallon. Barrels of 55 gallons are available at a special discount price of 918 food stamps or 1000 Euro per barrel.
First come, first served. A small selection of First Oven flags, those which have already been partially burned by Rabbi Schmoigerman and are therefore considered dovor shebekedusha, are available for 110 food stamps per square inch.
Also, as in previous years, Hymie the Hymishe Fire Adjuster will be on hand to supply addresses of buildings that are in need of a gitte sryfo. He will be joined by Izzy der Insurance Macher who will write all necessary policies and collect a token first premium so that they are in effect before the property is set alight.
We wish all a gitte sreyfe!
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