Thursday, April 02, 2009

Preliminary Yahrtzeit Tish Coverage: 80 Qunitillion New Personalities To Promote Machloikes!


As of now we have only the following summary of the 61st Yahrtzeit Tish (we believe that we will be able to post more upon our next contact with the Admou"r later today or early tomorrow):

"And I hereby now to proclaim dat der yohr I am making nisht less den 80 kvinitillion naye hyliger neshumes, new personelities solely far the purpose from creatink more machloikes in Creedmoor and derefar postponink forever the tzioinishe pipe dream from geula and redemption! And each of them is to be subsidied by der Fetter Shmiel as a tikkin for der Amerikanisher support fin der tzioinish entity! We is overkomink! We is prevailink!

Also I am sayink dat is not enough two Creedmoorer Chassidus'n (note that the 2 official congregations to date are the larger and better known K'hal Sinas Chinom d'Creedmoor veShaar Marin Bishin and the breakaway K'hal Anshei Domim ve'Mirma d'Creedmoor). It is recumbent upon us dat we must create a third kehilla and I am namink dis one "Kehillas Gezel veMirma d'Creedmoor Hashem Yashmideyhee veYeabdyhee!"

Dis is so dat we can finally take over and rebuild E-ward as we is outgrowink D-ward and now E-ward also is ebendoned and it is to be ours! And I am direktink dat all three kehillois kedyshes is to be machink all the time machloikes in milchomes each one mit both from der anderer!

We iz tenkful to der Obama administration far new programs det is allowink us to grow in leaps from bounds in entitlement program fraud and to even be able to esk far our own bailout passage!"

Indeed, a "Cheat the Government Now, I'll Show You How" seminar was held for official Creedmoor patients and staff in the "newly liberated E-ward". Said ward consists of one pre war outhouse and three storage sheds, which were duly cleared out so that they would hold seminar participants. After the seminar, participants were invited to the outhouse (now called the Beis Kisse HaKovoid) to view the Admou"r sitting on the vintage throne which remained preserved in the long shut facility.

And the Department of Health and Human Services advertised on such bastions of diversity as WBAI and Pacifica in search of properly ethnically diverse temporary data clerks to handle the huge influx of Schmoigerman generated welfare and unemployment applications.

Veho'ir Creedmoor tzoholo vesameicho...

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