Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Schmoigerman Founds New Social Service and Patrol Organization


Press release sent out by Creedmoor Public Relations Department:

Forget about Shomrim. And move over, Chaveirim.

The Admou"r meCreedmoor is bringing his special blend of kanoius, grubkeit and gezel to communities throughout the US by training volunteers for his new patrol and chessed organization - Bulvanim!

Bulvanim will provide services including arson for hire, beating of improperly dressed women and girls, staged robberies, intervention in domestic and organizational disputes, forging of documents, assistance with multiple welfare applications, dubious heterei meah rabbonim (a specialty given all of Rabbi Schmoigerman's own multiple personalities) and much, much more.

Need loshon horo and pashkvilkelach scattered about town? Bulvanim is your answer.

And Bulvanim charges a portion of the profit (120 - 450%) only if successful. Otherwise, Bulvanim services are free.

Out of yeshiva and on the streets? Bulvanim needs YOU! Join Bulvanim NOW and have the time of your life while you help people and make some good money at the same time! Why hang around and be a bum when you can be a proud Bulvan!

Please note that all Bulvanim volunteers must either be over 6 ft tall and/or weigh over 250 pounds and/or have one or more arrests for violent crimes at the time of application. We assist you in meeting the second 2 requirements with a combination of kigel, cholent and a trial assignment or 2.

Call 1-888-BUL-VANN now! 


Mushkie said...

Sounds like our good friend benyehudao. Why don't you recruit him?

Mushkie said...

And did you see in the 'Live Traffic Feed' that s/1 from Iran came here?

" Iran, Chahar Mahall va Bakhtiari arrived from google.com on "Creedmoorer Chassidus: Hilchos Mishmeres HaTznius - Shiur by the Admou"r meCreedmoor" "

Der Shygetz said...


Yes - and that visitor from Iran has been here before!