5 Iyar, the day on which the Zionist State proclaimed independence, is the saddest day on the Creedmoorer calendar.
At present the Admou"r and his 150 quintiliion chassidim are planning a display of fire, the likes of which the five boroughs and Rockland County have never seen before.
Sponsors include the Federal Government Superfund cleanup fund, Axa, Aetna, AIG (which acts a a sponsor thanks to a special Schmoigerman Loss Related Bailout Program), Fireman's Fund (Schmoigerman's favorite as thanks to his poor English he misunderstands the simple fact that a fireman is one who puts out fires), Generali, and many other insurance firms.
We understand that fires will be set simultaneously in as many as one million abandoned warehouses, railway yards, crack houses and similar eyesores throughout the world, using kerosene soaked Zionist flags as kindling. What is not certain is whether or not these properties exist on any official maps besides the ones generated by Schmoiger Surveying, Ltd, a shadowy title insurance firm with locations in Creedmoor and Alcatraz.
In any event, look out for special coverage of the 5 Iyar festivities as well as halachic guidelines for hosting a sreyfas hadegel celebration in your shul or home.
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