Sunday, May 17, 2009

Dutch Elm Disease Update


In a radical departure from the simple insurance fire and welfare scams that have been the hallmark of Creedmoor, the Admou'r's personal physician has informed us that he is acting as the agent for his esteemed patient in an attempt to obtain Federal funding for a medical research program that will devote billions of dollars to formulating a vaccine for Dutch Elm Disease in psychotic patients suffering from extreme kleptomania manifesting itself as feigned multiple personality disorder.

Thirty one trillion cases of Dutch Elm Disease have been reported among (phantom) members of the Creedmoorer kehilla and Dr Gimpel Arskowitz has already submitted samples of a new antifungal to the FDA. The Creedmoorer pharmaceutical breakthrough is a brackish, malodourous liquid which is derived from slivovitz, kiddush wine, and a common US household cleaner called "Top Job" and has been fast tracked for immediate FDA approval in order to contain the epidemic. 

And Rabbi Schmoigerman has already reported a serious fire in his "SchmoigerPharm" factory in Isla Marica, Puerto Rico, where equipment has been installed to manufacture this antibiotic, called Geneyvamycin, in sufficient quantities to treat quintillions of patients, all eligible for Medicaid and SSI during the lengthy rehabilitation necessary after infection with Dutch Elm Disease, Creedmoorer variant.

More coming later....

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