Friday, May 15, 2009

Creedmoorer Leader Sets Exchange Rate for Food Stamp


A coalition of retailers which accept the US Food Stamp as legal tender for the purchase of items that are excluded from the Food Stamp program has asked a controversial Queens rabbi to set a unified food stamp exchange rate.

Gimpel Grosz, proprietor of "Eeew, It's Grosz" Hardware and Furnishings, who accepts food stamps for "alle zachen" at varying rates, and his cousin Shmilu Fekete, whose "Fekete Hymish Bakery" sells mostly prepared goods that are not covered by the program, approached the rabbi, David Schmoigerman, after an argument as to whether a food stamp is worth seventy-five cents or eighty cents.

Schmoigerman adjudicated the dispute by referring to his famed work of Jewish law "Sur MeYoisher" in which he had set the exchange rate of the food stamp to equal the price of three square inches of kokosh cake, a common food item that is not covered by the food stamp program.

Since the price for a three square inch piece of kokosh cake varies from 65 cents to $1.50, Rabbi Schmoigerman instead set an exchange rate of 85 cents to the food stamp with the stipulation that he receive 10 cents on each food stamp as a fee for deciding the case.

The feuding cousins agreed to this rate and accepted upon themselves the task of collecting the 10 cent commission from all participating merchants.

Said merchants will display a "Gezel Plimbe", a seal stating that they operate in flagrant violation of US government laws regarding the food stamp program. 

The "gezel plimbe" is meant to frighten inspectors into believing that any attempt at enforcing those laws will be met with a "Chaptzem! Shygetz Aross! Shecht'em in a brooche" response from all participating merchants once a signal is sent out that an inspector has entered a participatings store.

So far, 100 leading retailers in Williamsburgh, Boro Park, Monsey and Monroe have joined the program.  

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