Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Aronim vs the Zalim - of Creedmoor

No, no one in Creedmoor cares at all about the struggle for the rebbistive in a certain large Hungarian community - this is another dispute altogether. To understand this latest machlokes in Creedmoor, it must be remembered that the Admou"r paskens that a certain type of conduct which I will refer to as m.zochor is a mitzvah on Shabbos, and is connected to "zachor es yom ha-Shabbos..."

However, m.zochor is not permitted according to the rules of Creedmoor Psychiatric Center. On the other hand, D-ward and Kiryas Naye Creedmoor are abandoned property, so that it is not certain what rules pertain there, if any.

Hence the Aronim and the Zalim. The Aronim believe that m.zochor should be carried out quietly in the walk-in closets (aron in Hebrew) of D-ward, whereas the Zalim believe that it should be carried out berabim (in public) in the main hall (zal in Russian and some dialects of Yiddish) of the rather spacious Kiryas Naye Creedmoor yeshiva (apparently the former Creedmoor laundry).

Hence, the dispute was solved very easily. The Aronim are in control of D-ward, whereas the Zalim are to be found in Kiryas Naye Creedmoor. As always, when Creedmoor is concerned, there is a strange aspect to the dispute - and in this case, it is that the Aronim and Zalim are the very same people - the Admou"r, Koirach Ferdganver and Mendy Klaynesmekel - and they change deos depending on what time of day it is and how many doses of medication they forget.

Apparently the only true Aroni was Yankev Ferdganver, who is now practicing m.zochor with his rov muvhak, Big Hank, in a two man beis medrash within the Federal Kollel system. His experiences in a walk-in closet with the Admou"r turned out to be fine preparation for the next 967 years of his life.

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