Interview conducted by my associate Reb Getzel Shekerschreiber of Der Gelber Zhournal:
GS: Rabbi, what is the meaning of Beis Chaval?
ABHH: ChaVaL - Ches Veis Lamed - stands for Chamoirim Ve Leitzonim...
GS: Not the way I spell it doesn't - and I flunked spelling myself back in Sunday School
ABHH: Well, we are the kiruv branch of Chassidus Creedmoor, and we do not use Zionist spelling rules.
GS: Ah, yes - I just read that your Admou"r darshened that amaratzus is a middo toivo, and now I understand....
ABHH: Yes - I am completely ignorant of loshon keidesh, as well as of anything remotely resembling Toira. My shlichus is to mock a certain Rebbe who dedicated his life to bringing Moshiach...
GS: Why would you want to do that?
ABHH: We do not want Moshiach to come! Because if he does, not when, but if, because I am doing my best to make sure he does not come, ever, there will be no place for Creedmoorer Chassidus which is based on machloikes, sinos chinom, mirmo, and sheker...
GS: Yes, and you are a very great example of all of this.
ABHH: Thank you.
GS: So you take sichos of a very great Rebbe, and reprint them, claiming they were given over by "Melech HaMoshiach Shlit"a"?
ABHH: Exactly. I want to desecrate the memory of that Rebbe, and of everyone else who has the chutzpah to say that we should do everything possible to bring Moshiach....
GS: But you claim that there is a Melech HaMoshiach Shlit"a?
ABHH: Yes. I spotted him at a 7-11 outside Nashville last time I went to visit Graceland....
GS: Ah, yes. And why are you zoiche to such revelations?
ABHH: Because I have not taken my prescribed medications ever since my Admou"r smuggled me out of Creedmoor in a laundry wagon, and took my Medicare and Section 8 subsidy for himself...
GS: So where is the Beis ChaVaL?
ABHH: It is in the back of my van, where I sleep every time I am thrown out of a shul or beis medrash. Right now I park in front of the 7-11 in Graceland where I was zoiche to gilui El....
GS: Giluy Eliyahu? Or gilui arayis?
ABHH: Well, hmmm...take the E"l from Eliyahu, add a V (veis) for and, and take the is from arayis, and you've got it...
GS: You must be a great mekubal to come up with that...
ABHH: Yes - I am a mekubal - I know how to lekabel, lekabel, ve'lekabel....
GS: Thank you for your insights, and may you be zoiche to many such giluim....
ABHH: Thank you, and please do all you can to promote sinos chinom so that Moshiach will never come and my Admou"r can continue his malchis pesha ve'resha.
1 comment:
"ABHH: Well, hmmm...take the E"l from Eliyahu, add a V (veis) for and, and take the is from arayis, and you've got it..."
LOL!
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