Monday, July 18, 2005

Urgent - "Rebbetzin Izevel Tzoiah Yachne" is in critical condition.... she is about to be stricken from the welfare, Medicaid, SSI, social security, disability and Section 8 rolls! This terrible tragedy is a severe blow to our esteemed Admou"r, who will now have only 365824 phoney identities collecting as many as thirteen entitlement grants per identity! Apparently, Creedmoor psychiatrists have discovered that the "Rebbetzin" does not and never did exist, for it is known that the Admou"r has extremely little interest in the opposite gender.

However, records show that there indeed was a Rebbetzin Izevel Tzoiah Yachne Creedmoorer; what is not clear is whether she was ever married to the Admou"r and whether she ever signed up for various welfare programs. A Heter Mea Rabbonim signed by 100 members of the Geltschvindler, Ganvetman, Schlanghacker, Tzudraytenberg, Ibberbottelman, Feketeszar and Loyashar rabbinical families shows that the Admou"r and the Rebbetzin may have divorced, and rumour has it that the former Rebbetzin now resides in Rockland County Psychiatric Center.

Regardless, we ask that all Creedmoorer Chassidim add in acts of sinos chinom, genaivo, mirma and the like so that the Rebbetzin will be maintained on the grant rolls, with all benefit accruing to the Admou"r.

Rabbi Zimri Shmendricknacker, Mazkir of the Admou"r meCreedmoor

Rebbetzin Yente Cholerye Klala Ferdganver, Chairwarmer, N'shei Creedmoor

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